Strange Pulse

About 7 years ago (!!), my husband realized he was never going to make it in his chosen field without a college degree, so he went back to school, and I went to work fulltime to support our family. It was a very difficult 5 years, we all really had to sacrifice to get through it. After graduating, it took him about a year to find a job, down here in Cali. And after he found a job, we realized we’d never be able to get by on his initial salary, and I had to also go back to work fulltime.

While he was in school, our goal was just to get him through school and move to California. I was hoping (assuming) during all that time that when he got a job, I’d be able to stay home with the kids while they were teenagers, and I was thinking of going back to school for a sign language interpreter’s certification–something that pays well that I could do part time and basically set my own hours. How rad would that be? But of course, it’s not in the cards. I’ll probably have to work fulltime as a web developer for at least another three years, probably more like five, and possibly even after that.

And I’m ok with it, because I enjoy my current job so much. I really hate not seeing the kids, and my commute is really long, so that makes it even longer that I’m away each day. (I don’t get home from work until about 7:30pm, or even later.)

I’ve also realized that I wouldn’t do very well as an interpreter, because of my auditory processing disorder–I have a hard time hearing things people say. Well, I hear them, I just sometimes have trouble processing them–it doesn’t actually reach my brain. It’s hard to explain what it’s like. But I’ve realized that my APD is what’s always made me so fascinated by and interested in sign language.

Anyway, my lack of a long-term goal leaves me feeling kinda weird. For so long, I was so focused on just getting to the point where Daniel was done with school. Now we’re way past that, and while he has some professional career goals–he’s planning on giving the company he works for 5 years, and if they haven’t grown enough to pay him what he should be making, he’ll leave (they hired him to help them grow, and he’s actually making the same amount of money as the owners)–we, or I, don’t have any goals beyond that.

We’re living in an apartment, so you’d think I’d have the goal of eventually getting into a house, but no. I’m so tired of moving. I don’t want to move until the kids are done with high school! No more moving! Please! I don’t care if we’re stuck in a small, crappy apartment! At least there’s a pool and I never have to pack anything again!

So, I don’t know. Just feels kinda weird, coasting along day to day with no big target in sight anymore.